True but thats because hes a fetus.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
