We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize