just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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