i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
