I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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