I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
