Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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