i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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