Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I have demons in me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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