So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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