my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
