I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
