its not stalking. its research.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize