I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
