He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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