I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
