Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
