The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
