happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
