i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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