I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
