im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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