I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
