Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize