The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
