I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
