Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
