Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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