I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
