A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
