Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize