Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
