mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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