my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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