when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
