Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
