We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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