i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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