i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
