Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
