Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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