I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
