dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't want my vagina anymore.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize