xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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