I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
