I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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