I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
