i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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