You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
