She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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