dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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