I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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