something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
