I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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