I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize