A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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