his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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