She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
