I feel great
I just peed on a car
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize