dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
