I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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