i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize