"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
