The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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