Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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