guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
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