they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
