the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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