omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
