saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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