and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
