Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
