I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
