Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
