youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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