I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
