Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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