"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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