Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
