My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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